You have to start by not rejecting everything you feel. Accept these emotions. Make peace with them.
When we don’t succeed in conceiving a baby naturally, every day we feel as if we are submerged by a tide of emotions that are often difficult to control. Guilt, sadness, anxiety, shock, anger, impotence, a feeling of loneliness… Therefore, it is essential to be able to master our emotions and to know how to manage them, as letting yourself be overwhelmed by negative emotions is a factor in our physical and mental discomfort, and the consequences could be considerable.
What do you do when you feel invaded by a plethora of emotions?
First of all, you have to start by not rejecting everything you feel. Accept these emotions. Make peace with them. These are totally legitimate feelings since you are going through what is undoubtedly the most difficult test for a couple who loves each other. Then, define them as precisely as possible. For example, instead of saying “I’m not okay,” say “I feel anxious, or sad, or I’m angry.”
The more precise you can become with your emotions, the easier it will be to find a way to tame them. For example, if you are angry, ask yourself what you can do to change this situation and end the anger. In the case of infertility, there is little you can do and you are not guilty of it, so there is no point in feeling angry.
Trust the medical team, they will find a solution to this infertility. Similarly, if you feel envious of your pregnant friend, think that if everyone stopped having children, that wouldn’t change your situation. We have to accept that other couples may have no difficulty in conceiving a baby. If you are sad, try to find a cheerful activity that makes you laugh.
Watch a comedy on TV or at the cinema, read a funny book, go see a friend who knows how to raise your morale and make you feel good. Keep your mind occupied, because if you are entertained it will be easier for you to forget about your woes.
You are not alone
Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Go to a psychologist, talk to your closest friends, take part in a support group or contact a coach. Seek out someone who makes you feel good, or the activity that allows you to control your emotions better: relaxation, meditation, breathing exercises, physical or artistic activities…
Give yourself little treats, or even tiny ones, but give them nonetheless! They will bring you positive emotions and improve your daily well-being.
Observe the colours of the sunset, breathe in the scent of a flower, and listen to the birdsong or the crackle of the fire in the fireplace. Live the present moment.
Don’t obsess about what you don’t yet have and live the day to day with a positive approach. The sun sets but also comes out again, until one fine day it dawns with your dream come true.
